Friends I am back and I have a master's degree now. This is very exciting for obvious reasons and also because it means there is nothing—absoutely nothing—that I have to do aside from sell enough writing to make rent and food each month. I bought a $500 fly-all-you-want pass from Frontier (good until 9/30/23) which means the only thing keeping me from shoving clothes into a personal item and traveling wherever I want to research/report on whatever I want are two houseplants, which will die eventually if I don't water them. Much like the t-shirt Kyle Rittenhouse wore to Pudgy's Pub on January 5th, 2021 after entering a not guilty plea at the Kenosha County Courthouse, I am Free As Fuck.
Which brings me to the bad news: I have, over the course of writing my thesis (which for this program is basically an unpublished feature article, and which I turned in 7 days late) become one of those old school TVs that someone paused for too long so the image is burned onto the screen. I have watched so many videos of and about Kyle Rittenhouse that the YouTube algorithm has forgotten all other interests and hobbies. It now almost exclusively suggests Rittenhouse videos, which is useless, because I have already watched all of them.
Go ahead. Ask me anything. Kyle Rittenhouse's favorite potato chips are salt and vinegar. He used to take videos of garbage trucks as a hobby. He doesn't seem to have a favorite movie; he's never answered the question the same way twice. As of April it was Grownups 1 and 2, or anything by Adam Sandler. Earlier this year it was Home Alone 1 and 2, but especially 2, because it has Trump in it. Before that it was Top Gun–the new one. Before that he couldn't answer the question. What kind of person doesn't have a favorite movie?
I looked at none of my notes to write any of that, including the Pudgy's date above, and none of this trivia made it into my thesis (though the garbage truck and movie things really should have). This is just my brain now. 12,000 words. That's not a typo. I have no idea what to do with this except continue to expand it. But I have a master's degree now.
Anyway, I am aware that other things have happened, some very funny and some very sad, and I'm looking forward to catching up on them and having takes. But it's already a week after when I said I'd be back and so I offer you, humbly, this short video of me reading part of my thesis at the traditional NYU LitRep Dive Bar Thesis Reading of 2023. Don't worry, it's not the whole thing: it's an abridged version of my intro and also me yelling at someone for being rude which is frankly exactly how I'd have chosen to go out if someone had asked me.
Takes soon. Like, imminently. Two days at most.
Congrats on your Masters!! You are one of my favorite voices in a world that at 64, I find almost impossible to comprehend. Your takes are fresh and beautifully human. Looking forward to reading about what comes next.
I give you joy of your Master's degree! You've both earned it and richly deserve it. I couldn't have gotten better news today, and that includes the news that I won a raffle.